i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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