just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
