apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
