Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Congratulations! We have a period
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