As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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