And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
