dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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