I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
