On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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