i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
