Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
