Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
