I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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