I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
