based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
