I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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