Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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