someone owes me an orgasm
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
