Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
