some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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