our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
