Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
