It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
