i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
