i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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