You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My vagina just recognized that song.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
