I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
