So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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