Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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