It's Friday. Sex?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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