umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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