everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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