it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
