The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
