it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
