Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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