Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
