My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
