You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
