you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You're like the curious george of whores
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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