I am spending my child support on dildos
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
