oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
