I hate all girls vehemently.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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