New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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