Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
