Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
