First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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