Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
