Apparently you make a good broom.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize