ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
