Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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