i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
