Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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