i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
