I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
