Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
