I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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