so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
