When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
