wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
