States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
