i just wanna soil my oats bro
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
