There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
FUCK WHALES
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
