Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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