You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
