You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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