come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
