So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.