I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry