i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.