Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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  (626): Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/kgjr
  Replies (16) Good night (4334) Bad night (699)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.

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  (269): After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever. http://tfl.nu/nvrl
  Replies (19) Good night (750) Bad night (6562)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.

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  (410): she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby. http://tfl.nu/u78i
  Replies (55) Good night (811) Bad night (6595)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...

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  (306): I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face... http://tfl.nu/9kl8
  Replies (9) Good night (1576) Bad night (4679)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.

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  (703): I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college. http://tfl.nu/rorl
  Replies (29) Good night (3809) Bad night (1306)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.

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  (612): no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship. http://tfl.nu/tdmr
  Replies (37) Good night (7637) Bad night (1242)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.

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  (503): Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake. http://tfl.nu/amef
  Replies (18) Good night (5330) Bad night (1652)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING

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  (313): I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING http://tfl.nu/0fad
  Replies (5) Good night (873) Bad night (2723)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you

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  (215): i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you http://tfl.nu/4yxe
  Replies (35) Good night (9293) Bad night (1790)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.

  (254): View more from Texas

  Tornado warnings are fun!

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  (254): Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows. (254): Tornado warnings are fun! http://tfl.nu/9sqb
  Replies (13) Good night (3280) Bad night (1027)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches

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  (231): You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches http://tfl.nu/iwei
  Replies (4) Good night (1554) Bad night (1190)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.

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  (512): Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all. http://tfl.nu/2na6
  Replies (2) Good night (427) Bad night (647)
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  (805): View more from California

  I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.

  (805): View more from California

  Why do I even exist?

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  (805): I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all. (805): Why do I even exist? http://tfl.nu/rs2d
  Replies (4) Good night (512) Bad night (317)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.

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  (703): I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone. http://tfl.nu/an49
  Replies (5) Good night (381) Bad night (801)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Please tell me those aren't related.

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I made rice.

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  (636): 2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap? (314): Please tell me those aren't related. (636): I made rice. http://tfl.nu/b642
  Replies (2) Good night (416) Bad night (1037)

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