He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
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Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.